Jive Turkey Dictionary A.E. (Alcohol Edition)

A couple months ago I rolled out my Jive Turkey Dictionary and the response was… animated. While many Turks were happy to see some of their favorite sayings get the full Merriam-Webster treatment, others accused me of committing an unforgivable life error for omitting such-and-such term or *insert legendary party here*. In other words, my list was wrong. One day I will make full restitution of my mistakes, but today is not that day. 

In place of an apology, I give you this dictionary consisting of terms pertaining to Jive’s real pastime: drinking. What follows is an also-incorrect list of alcohols, parties, and games that have been part of Jive’s social culture over the last decade or so. Because I thought it would be fun to give these some historical context, I recruited the help of Shaman, concave-chested archaeologist extraordinaire; Moonshine, Teaching God; and Grefe. It took a couple months, four states, and two countries (yes, Alabama is a different country), but we did it. If you think we missed anything special (spoiler: we definitely missed things), leave us a comment. 

So grab a beer or twelve, review the first installment here if you need to, and let’s get started. 

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Admiral Nelson (n.) – Memory “strengthening” spiced rum that is better than Captain Morgan because it is cheaper, and because an Admiral outranks a Captain, but idiots think otherwise. A must-buy when the 1L bottles are on sale. Buy 2 and get more rum for less money than if you bought the handle. #Math

A chap well acquainted with the Admiral

Classic Ice (n.) – A wonderful and classy beer with a sterling 6% APV and its own Urban Dictionary entry. Better than Natty Ice, and one of the first true Jive beers, setting off a still standing tradition of favorite team beers and liquors being cheaper than the mainstream alternative, of higher alcoholic content, and questionable taste. Back in 2004, a case of Classic came in at a robust $8.50.

The Cylinder (n.) – or scientifically, a Passglas. Seriously, that is a word. A 2000ml graduated cylinder theoretically used for drinking out of, but actually used for spilling beer on yourself. Now a Jive totem courtesy of Jacko Tracko’s brief but fruitful time as the guy in the lab who buys supplies, specifically supplies that real scientists won’t use but Jive scientists will. While meant for beer, the cylinder has also seen a variety of other items, including liquor, silverware, and even a sex toy or two.

Detonator (n.) – Performed when Broey McBroerson and his fellows Bros stand in a circle and smash a beer can against their heads until it exBrodes. An easy way to reduce your own intellect and waste beer at the same time. Nips told Simon what this was on my birthday four years ago, and the world is a lesser place for it.

A lesser place...

Double-Barrel (v.) – Shotgunning a beer whilst someone pours a shot in the top of the can. Useful for expediting the getting-drunk process, and also the needing-to-boot process. Invented by Moonshine and, like all good things in life, was first performed on the line at Gettysburg’s home tournament during some hard-fought point-assessment against Slippery Rock University.

Extra Gold (n.) – Cheap beer that you can purchase at “the Bev.” Winner of the most recent Cheap Beer Tasting, meaning Jive must buy Extra Gold in perpetuity or until a new Cheap Beer has been declared winner by means of blind taste test. Has been popular with the team since the halcyon days of Vinny McCrink, so you know it’s got staying power.

Firewater (n.) – 100 proof cinnamon schnapps commonly associated with High Tide due to the epic ballad “Jive Turkeys Went Down South” created there in 2008. That song is still sung by the team on occasion, despite the fact that very few of the people singing it know Dan Jones, his rattail, The Suze, or where the Firewater is.

They know where the Firewater is.

Fifth Day (n.) – A drinking event for the dedicated man. Meant to be a relaxing day where one spends much of the day drinking a fifth by themselves. Always a great time unless you race to finish, like a moron, and thus tempt death. Consequences can include pants in the freezer, cups of coffee thrown at walls, and porcelain hugging.

Five Loko (n.) – Basic bitch Four Loko and Five Hour energy mixed drink for people who don’t care about seeing straight for an entire day.

Fuck Your Liver (n.) - A tremendously simple game requiring The Cylinder, a deck of cards, and lots of beverage. The player wagers an amount of beverage in the cylinder, then guesses red or black. Incorrect: he/she/it drinks the cylinder. Correct: the cylinder and it’s contents are passed to the next person who will also add a wager and then play the most dangerous game. Often results in strange mixes of drinks, and extreme discomfort for anyone who loses big. So named because it fucks your liver.

Hungarian Stack Races (n.) – A terrible version of Stack Races because of a torturous twist, designed by actual Hungarian Ultimate Players and brought back by Chappers when he studied abroad in Budapest (seriously. We aren’t making this up). All players must drink through a straw while clothespinning their noses until the disc is finished, which it won’t be. Usually this ends with everyone feeling very unwell (at Jivefest ‘07, someone threw up every round. Hooray beer!). Hungarian stack races are proof that at least one member of this team learned something during Dickinson study abroad, and that sometimes what we learn abroad should stay over there.

Icehouse (n.) – Not the Bentley ultimate team (fuck Bentley B!), but a relatively new Jive cheap beer, made popular by the tenants of The Lodge. First purchased en masse at High Tide 2010 with Jake’s Savannah fee, the 10+ cases of various Icehouse products were unable to be finished, but were fortunately ready for pong immediately upon completing the drive home. There are three reasons to buy Icehouse: 1). It’s $12.99, cheaper than Natty, 2). its 5.5% abv, higher than Natty’s, 3). to yell “Get in the House” at freshman who are not immediately willing to guzzle delicious Icehouse. 

Reason number 4: This band photo of Australian rock band Icehouse

Jello Discs (n.) – a team-based, alcohol eating station and the result of great compromise between wanting to do stack races or jello shots, but not both. The recipe calls for hot water, jello mix, and bottom shelf vodka, hopefully Vlad or Bankers Club. Co-created by Vincenzo, jello discs are a Jive original that has spread to other frisbee cultures, such as Vassar and PADA.


Jive Tail (n.) – Originally a spoof of Greek life cocktails, and now a biannual Jive formal hosted by the sophomores in the fall and the freshmen in the spring. Attendees are strongly encouraged to bring a date or two, be this a significant other, friend, or a bottle of bourbon. Salval "classy" attire is a must, and those showing up with a backpack trying to steal the booze will be kick out of the party and probably kicked off the team. Seniors will be aggressively drunk celebrating the two parties all year they didn't have to plan or spend money on.

I don't have a witty remark for this. It's just terrifying.

Landshark (v.) – Most definitely not a beer, but feel to contact Ducky, Jake, Bowman, Simon or Mittens about it. If you can’t find Mittens to ask him, check outside the gate at High Tide. Moving on.

Might be a Landshark. Might not.

Loko Hands (n.) – A one-off drinking contest in which the participants tape two OG Four Lokos to their hands and race to finish them first, ideally in 29 minutes or less. When all Four Lokos are finished, participants must celebrate by splitting a final Four Loko. Now seems a reasonable time to clarify that the real world equivalent to one Four Loko was 6 coffees and 6 drinks. Typically leads to lost moccasins and random bouts of responsibility.

Mad Dog (n.) – MD 20/20 fortified hobo wine. Colloquially known as Mad Dog, because “Fortified hobo wine” has a pretentious ring to it, despite appealing to hobos. Most commonly purchased in the Orange Jubilee flavor, which looks eerily similar to Orange Juice, and probably tastes similar too. “Hindsight is MD 20/20” - Posey.

Posey not demonstrating foresight, or hindsight, for that matter

Montebello (n.) – All the liquor you’ve never liked drinking without a chaser, except now you combine them and also drink them without a chaser. First discovered at Lafayette, Fall 2011™, by Jack to be shared with the team over the course of Sunday. GOALIE PICK UP THE GODDAMN MONTE!

Mystery/Party Box (n.) – An H.T.O.D. staple, generally considered the best station by all four people who care about that sort of accolade, who coincidentally all authored this post. The contents of the Party Box can vary, but always includes laughably bad alcohol balanced out with delicious non-alcoholic items such as hot peppers or Yoohoo. Or cigarettes. The key to winning is to give the Lucky No. 7-11 to someone else, or to find weird cases at Bev Express while creating the station, like a buried case of WildCat, hidden and unlabeled under other beers.

Punch Bowl (n.) – A brutal innovation by the ever-sustainable-minded members of the original Chateau. In the morning post-soiree, gather all the woundeds and pour them into a bowl to chill or partially freeze for the next party. Most famously led to Grefe’s alcohol/food poisoning and general demise Fall ‘07, but generally responsible for ruining everyone’s night every time.

He hasn't been the same since

Shen Fest (n.) – Now a smaller scale HTOD dedicated in memory to Shen, but originally conceived as a surprise Around the World party in 2008. Given a gritty reboot in 2011 as a trial run for the HTOD planner, but has since exceeded these modest expectations to attract a dedicated and maniacal fanboy following.

Trailer Park Bombs (n.) – The drunk uncle of bomb shots. Like an Irish Car bomb, except instead of nice Car Bomb materials you use Hurricane and Mad Dog, and instead of enjoying the drink you look and smell like a derelict wino.

Unprom (n.) – Costume party developed by SBC in which the attendees are assigned to shop for another person’s outfit, all while agreeing to wear what someone else buys for you. Hilarity ensues and wedding dresses abound. If you are a bad sport about the XS Gumbi costume that someone buys for you, you should probably find new friends.

Jive's first Unprom, 2010. No SBC, we don't understand either.

Wagers (n.) – Most frequently a card based party game, involving bets on the upcoming cards and corresponding silly tasks, but wagers can be made on anything. Will Jake answer the phone with “Oyyyyy,” “Oy it’s Gutta,” or the field is a quintessential starter. Tasks should be proportionally outrageous compared to the unlikelihood of the predicted card or event. Ex: 1. If this next card is the ace of spades, I’ll wolf a beer. Ex: 2. If Posey flies back from Japan for High Tide, I’ll do a fifth day.

Wednesday (n.) – The fourth day of the week, the day of Wōden, and the most popular weekday drinking night for Jive Turkeys since the invention of Jesus. To be said primarily with elongation of all vowels: “WEEEEEEEEEDNEEEEEEEEESDAAAAAAAAAAY” and most suitably followed by muttering “Goddammit” while facepalming yourself.

Wolf (v.) – Created by Shen when he disregarded sanity to bite the beer can because he had no key to shotgun with. The wolf is the closest to primordial beverage consumption that you will get.