Jive Turkey Dictionary

Summer is essentially over. For some, this is actually a revelation because they get to return to college to return to their education, engage the world, and funnel Five Loko. But wait, “what is Five Loko?” you ask with a disconcerting level of intrigue. It appears the long summer break has caused you to forget about the significant mementos of the Jive Turkeys, players of Ultimate and winners of parties. That’s why I’m here: to give you a refresher on the daily lexicon you will be thrust back into with the Turkeys. Remember the scene in Airplane! when the passengers speak Jive? This is like that. Except it isn’t.

Footnotes are courtesy of Jive Historian extraordinaire Willie Limber Shaman Shermies Sherman.

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Bev Express (n.) – or simply, “the Bev.” Whether you need cases of Natty[1] for a Best-of-Seven or the newest case of Count Chocula’s Forbidden Donut Porter, buy it at the Bev, not the Brew Thru. Also home to the strangest array of cheap beer anywhere that isn’t La Crosse, Wisconsin. Go ahead, buy Old German premium lager. The world knows no finer. 

 

Yum

Best Of 7 (n.) – Head-to-head drinking activity in which two teams play Pong to win the allotted games in the “series.” [2] If not all seven games are needed, games may be discarded, but no one has ever stopped playing Pong before running out of beer. Ideal activity for isolating other people at the party and getting the competitive spirit burning a little too brightly.

bid (n.) – a layout that does not result in a catch or D.

boost it (v.) – the act of hucking the disc downfield without taking into consideration the practicality of the throw. Most often a throw will be “boosted” to Amburns, who will reel it in for the score.

Cheap Beer Tasting (n.) – drinking activity in which six cheap beers are selected and tasted at random to declare one of them “the best.” The winner of the inaugural Cheap Beer Tasting was Extra Gold. Note: Classic Ice cannot be entered into the Cheap Beer Tasting because everyone already knows it is the best cheap beer.

Citadel (n.) – recurring Jive house at 512 Reed Street that, no matter how hard its newest residents try to rename it, will always be known as the Citadel. It’s latest incarnation forfeited the discolored carpet in favor of nice, shiny wood panels, which will soon be discolored as well. Similar to The Chateau, which also seems to fall into Jive’s hands every other year[3].

Coup de Pong (n.) – a contest between a Plebian and the Patricians of Jive. Any commoner can issue a Coup, where the challenger plays all the Jive officers in Pong, one-on-one until he/she is beaten. If the challenger beats all the officers, they earn the title of Jive King[4] and become omnipotent. No one has successfully completed a Coup de Pong.   

Dad-Backhand (n.) – an unusual and mostly incorrect backhand throw used by rookies and fathers who haven’t learned to throw a real backhand. Also known as a Barbeque Backhand.

foul (n.) – an infraction in which the thrower, receiver, defender, or spiker has been impeded in their attempt to throw, catch, defend, or spike the disc. Called almost exclusively by Moller in meaningless games at Gettysburg’s home tournament.

Frisbee Golf (n.) – like real golf, but played across campus and with a disc aimed at a tree. Yes, really. But not the tree you just hit. That was the wrong tree. At times your disc will go dangerously close to a clueless passerby. See: “Leave It!”

The Funk (n.) – Fuck the Funk.[5]

High Tide (n.) – debauched Spring Break trip and “BEST WEEK OF THE YEAR” where the Jive Turkeys rent a house, play Ultimate, party wildly, and try not to get evicted. In 2010 and 2014 the team had to try extra hard to not get evicted.

Not High Tide.

HTOD (n.) – Stands for Hat Tournament of Debauchery. Stations and team-based party that takes place during Jive Fest in the various locales of the Jive Turkeys. Invented in 2007, the events differ in execution, but the goal remains the same: total annihilation. Typically, one member of the Jive Turkeys will be responsible for putting the schedule of events and teams together, only to have to revise both the former and latter, which results in an overabundance of unread emails for all involved parties.

Hypnotoad (n.) – Philly-based men’s club team that comes together every two years to underachieve during the series. Wearers of the best jerseys known to Ultimate. All hail the Hypnotoad[6]!

Jive Fest (n.) – drinking festival home tournament of the Jive Turkeys, often held in October, although sometimes, and inconveniently, during Homecoming and Parents’ Weekend. NSFW in the strictest sense because of the accompanying Saturday night party. See above: HTOD[7].

Jive Fest’s Law (n.) – If you are wearing a Jive Fest shirt, someone else will always be wearing the same shirt and you'll run into each other.

Jive Historian (n.) – the sole member of the team who dedicates tremendous amounts of their own time and effort to learning nugatory information related to the history of the Jive Turkeys and its participants. If lucky, this person will find one confused soul eager to listen to the endless factoids and anecdotes who will one day succeed them in the role of Jive Historian. Past historians include Goemaat, Michael, Shermies, Limber, and McCrink, Vincent

layout (n.) – a bid that results in a catch or D

“Leave It!” (command) –  Your Frisbee Golf disc will land near someone and that person will, lacking an understanding of Frisbee golf, go to pick up the disc and Dad-Backhand it to you, and despite your telling them to “Leave It!” they will try to return the disc to you, fail, and shrug their shoulders as you walk towards the disc, pick it up, and throw it back near the person. This cycle will continue forever.

Mandatory Organized Fun (n.) – umbrella term for the night’s prearranged get-fucked-up activities. Not to be confused with Unstructured Fun, which is fun, but not as much fun as Mandatory Organized Fun.

Offside (n.) – an infraction only in theory where the pulling team does not maintain proper positioning during the pull. At the time of this writing, no Jive Turkey has ever been Onside during a pull.

Rainwater, Jake (n.) – Jersey-born Jive Turkey alumnus, professional Ultimate player for the Philadelphia Spinners, and former captain of Hypnotoad. Known to subsist on a steady diet of Jägermeister, Gooey Wings, and ridiculous end-zone dances. His van may have also swallowed my iPod back in the day, to which I am certainly not bitter[8].

 

You had me at "Rainwater"

Roll Call (n.) ­– possibly real, probably fictional spring tournament in Poolesville, Maryland.

Scoober (n.) – the Throw of Throws. Never gratuitous and never incomplete. Even comes in Inside-Out variety when the highest level of Scoober-mastery has been achieved.  Performed by taking the hammer grip and released from above the off-hand shoulder. Recommended usage: versus awful zone defenses, on the end-zone line, against Pitt[9].

Shaman (n.) – See above: Jive Historian (n.) [10]

Poon Palace (n.) – 379 West Louther and Jive townhouse of yesteryear that played host to many games of Pong and almost as many holes in its walls. Nothing going on? Party at the Palace.

Tong Fest (n.) – triannual, trimonthly, or triweekly outdoor dance party at 521 West Louther, also known as Club Tong. Excessive day-drinking is encouraged, although not required, prior to participation in Tong Fest. No strict requirements are known as to what constitutes a Tong Fest, and it may be an amalgamation of all outdoor drinking activities soundtracked by Mat Zo and Hardwell.[11]

Ultimate (n.) – the sport that is supposedly the reason people join the Jive Turkeys, although no sufficient scientific data exists showing Ultimate’s impact on the retention rate of Jive.  

"I say, that was some fine sporting we did today!"

Unprom (n.) – costume party developed by SBC in which the attendees are assigned to shop for another person’s outfit, all while agreeing to wear what someone else buys for you. Hilarity ensues and wedding dresses abound. If you are a bad sport about the XS Gumbi costume that someone buys for you, you should probably find new friends.

Viceroy (n.) – the Sultan of Summer and our only hope for staving off Endless Winter. If we play more Viceroy the weather will improve!

“YOOOUUU GOTTTTAAA” (command) – words of encouragement to tell you to do something that you probably shouldn’t do. The only response to the idiot who feels the need to say “I Might Just…” before doing anything. [12]

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[1] 3, to be exact

[2] Look at your opponent, you will HATE that person at the end of the night.

[3] Where’s the Princess Castle?

[4] I defer to Jake on regards to Coup de Pongs: there can only be one Jive King: King Posey

[5] FUCK THE FUNK

[6] ALL HAIL THE HYPONOTOAD

[7] Also the first tournament my parents saw me play ultimate, resulting in their continuing to ask me every time I say I’m playing Frisbee: “are you wearing a moose hat?”

[8] I also once told him he was the best captain I ever had. Preventing me from ever effectively heckling him ever again

[9]To this day I still call this a scooper. No reason.

[10] The original Jive Historian, as nicknamed by wheel. Also a slow, tall, bearded idiot who somehow played on the Jive A team for a year and a half.

[11] Yo, we talking about Tongfest?

[12] YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU GOTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA