Thursday, August 7, 2014

Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice Gets Moved… to March?


You might remember back at the beginning of the year when Warner Bros. announced that their big-ticket title Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice had been pushed back to 2016 to give the filmmakers "time to realizefully their vision, given the complex visual nature of the story." You might also remember that Zack Snyder, the highly visual director and Maestro of March, is directing what should setup DC’s long awaited Justice League movie. Well, yesterday Batman v. Superman was moved again, but this time Warner Bros. people are not saying it is for artistic reasons.

Instead, this is a business decision. Batman v. Superman was originally going to battle May 6, 2016 an unnamed Marvel film, and Warner Bros. seemed to be in a pretty decent position. And then Marvel chose to rattle that cages, so to speak, by announcing that Captain America, he of glorious 2014 April Box Office success, would get his third movie the same weekend as Batman v. Superman. The prospect of watching two blockbusters from competing companies going head-to-head was mouthwatering, but unrealistic. DC and Marvel were never going to release huge films (Warner/DC’s biggest release and Marvel’s hottest non-assemble-based asset) on the same weekend. Sure, one company might “win” the weekend, but not without each film’s total haul being limited by the presence of the other. But before pragmatism prevailed, we were left with an impressive game of chicken. The question became who would blink first. Warner did, but it’s OK because they moved Batman v. Superman to the ideal summer movie date of… March 25, 2016? Wait, what?

This is when I stroke my beard and go hmmm… for about five seconds longer than I normally would.  I’ve never known quite how I feel about this project, but the move to late March isn’t inspiring any more confidence. I can think of two reactions to news of the move, one optimistic and the other pessimistic. The optimists will consider this Warner Bros.’ attempt to stretch the summer movie season even closer to the beginning of the year. “March is the new June!” they’ll boldly claim. Pessimists might view this move as an indicator of reduced confidence in the project, the early release date not exactly the giving off the right vibes for your $200million+ tent-pole that is supposed to pave the way for the Justice League movie which will consume us all. While blockbusters have had success earlier and earlier in the year (Captain America: The Winter Soldier just had the biggest opening ever for the month of April), March hasn’t necessarily been the kindest month to hundred million dollar behemoths. Sure, it does not have the stink-bomb reputation of January and February Dumpuary (which is getting Jupiter’s Ascending next year!), but March has, at least recently, been the slot for family films, new and unproven big budget titles, or some strange combination of the two. Take a look at the all-time Opening Weekend leaders for March:

1
$152,535,747
37.4%
4,137
$36,871
$408,010,692
2
$116,101,023
34.7%
3,728
$31,143
$334,191,110
3
$79,110,453
33.7%
3,912
$20,223
$234,911,825
4
$70,885,301
33.7%
3,103
$22,844
$210,614,939
5
$70,217,070
32.8%
3,729
$18,830
$214,030,500
Source: Box Office Mojo

Leading the way is 2012’s The Hunger Games, no doubt buoyed by being a successful young adult novel adapted for the big screen, which is one of the safest fucking bets in the industry right now. From there, we get three animated, family films and Snyder’s 300 (not in that order). We’ll address Snyder in a second, but look at the list again, and you begin to see how geared towards families March is. Animated films are highlighted in yellow:

1
$152,535,747
37.4%
4,137
$36,871
$408,010,692
2
$116,101,023
34.7%
3,728
$31,143
$334,191,110
3
$79,110,453
33.7%
3,912
$20,223
$234,911,825
4
$70,885,301
33.7%
3,103
$22,844
$210,614,939
5
$70,217,070
32.8%
3,729
$18,830
$214,030,500
6
$68,033,544
34.8%
3,964
$17,162
$195,330,621
7
$59,321,095
29.9%
4,104
$14,454
$198,351,526
8
$55,214,334
51.4%
3,611
$15,291
$107,509,799
9
$54,607,747
36.2%
3,936
$13,874
$150,947,895
10
$46,312,454
26.3%
3,316
$13,966
$176,387,405
11
$45,038,460
42.3%
3,470
$12,979
$106,580,051
12
$45,012,998
29.1%
3,954
$11,384
$154,529,439
13
$43,732,319
20.1%
4,055
$10,785
$217,581,231
14
$43,720,472
43.2%
3,567
$12,257
$101,200,044
15
$43,639,736
23.3%
4,046
$10,786
$187,168,425
Source: Box Office Mojo

Nine of the top fifteen films for March are animated, and of the remaining six, two (The Hunger Games and Divergent) were young adult novel adaptations, Noah was a sizable film from an acclaimed director that made back its bacon, and Snyder was involved in the other three. Considering The Hunger Games and Divergent, March is certainly a month that brings in younger viewers, but not in the schools-out-for-the-summer way that June, July, and August bring in teenagers and young adults who pack mall theaters in an effort to, ya know, do something during summer vacation. Animation rules March, and when the big boys of live action line up for a seat at the table, they often do so with disappointing results. Listed below are three of the biggest budget films ever released in March, all with budgets over $150million, plus one non-blockbuster film (Note: Alice in Wonderland, Tim Burton’s $200million white-faced, hallucinogenic-fueled adaptation, is not included here because it ranks 2nd all-time in March Opening Weekends. Somehow):

24
$33,457,188
40.0%
3,545
$9,438
$83,670,083
32
$30,180,188
41.3%
3,749
$8,050
$73,078,100
38
$27,202,226
41.7%
3,525
$7,717
$65,187,603
39
$26,722,575
45.3%
2,745
$9,735
$59,020,957
Source: Box Office Mojo

Wrath of the Titans, John Carter, and Jack the Giant Slayer represent three spectacularly expensive films and three spectacularly expensive failures. Wrath, the sequel to Clash of the Titans, cost $150 million, yet only managed $83 million domestically, nowhere near its predecessor’s $163million. John Carter, at $250million, and Jack, at $195million, are even worse. Buena Vista hoped John Carter would be the start of a new franchise, but returns as paltry as $73million domestic mean that is never going to happen. As for Jack, its Opening Weekend outshines Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead (the non-blockbuster included above) by $500,000, which is even sadder when you learn that Dawn made back its entire budget ($26million) in that one weekend.  Sure, big-budget, live action films like Watchmen, 300: Rise of Empire (more Snyder associated March films!) and Noah found their audiences in March, but I’d posit that the largest tent-poles struggle mightily in the early month. In the studios’ defense, no one quite knew how these new blockbusters would do (let’s be real, who thought Jack the Giant Slayer would slay the box office?), so maybe they’d have struggled during the summer too.

I keep mentioning Snyder and March. Why? Well four of his six films have been released in March (Dawn of the Dead, 300, Watchmen, and, wait for it… Sucker Punch). On the March Opening Weekends list, these films rank 39th, 4th, 8th, and 64th respectively, so he’s done very well with two of these films, better than expected with one, and very poorly with another.  Batman v. Superman will be number five, and I expect it to join 300 and Watchmen at the top of that chart. I have my own opinions of Snyder; he brings visual flair that few in the industry have the ambition or budget to match, but he also has the subtlety of a dump truck. He’ll pulverize you at the expense of narrative consistency, and he has a knack for providing talented actors and actresses with characters that give them nothing to do (think Amy Adams as Lois Lane in Man of Steel). I can complain about him all I want, but it won’t change the fact that this film believes it can rule hit-or-miss March box office that Snyder has dealt with before.

Who knows if Batman v. Superman will have any of these typically Snyderian problems. Even if it does, that won’t matter. Box Office success can't be truly predicted, but the film should make plenty of money in two years’ time, and, barring a John Carter-esque failure, will be Step 1. in Warner Bros./DC’s plan to redirect superhero audiences away from their rivals at Marvel. Yet I can’t help but think that executives at Marvel are already pouring themselves a drink, for they have won the release date war. And if Captain America: 3 ends up making more than Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, there could be some serious finger pointing at Warner Bros. I’d pay $13 to see that. 



Wednesday, July 23, 2014

A Survivalist Guide to Ultimate’s Unholy Weekend: Wildwood

I have attended and survived three Wildwoods. Three times I have bravely left my home for one weekend and ventured south, only to be attacked at the Bridge of Khazad-dum, and dragged to the depths of the Jersey shore. Each time I returned as Goemaat the Red, sunburned and with a hangover that makes you want to dunk your head in an icy tub.
Pictured: You, after Wildwood
But I digress, for all this information is not helpful for you, the reader, you who wants to understand just what is Wildwood, and how do I not die there? Wildwood has many perils, but this should help you mentally prepare for the weekend you cannot physically prepare for. Let's start with...

The Tournament
So, in theory, the point of Wildwood is to play Ultimate, but you don’t want to do that, do you? Didn’t think so. But just in case you feel like playing a couple points, know that this is beach Ultimate, which differs from regular Ultimate in that it is played on mounds of sand and not mounds of dirt. (Emery is a legend at this kind of Ultimate). You’ll play around 4 games on Saturday, which is stupid, so go find a shop that sells Daiquiris and buy some of those instead. It’ll help your hangover much more than running and sweating will, and you get a head start on afternoon drinking! But careful walking around, because you’ll encounter…

The Locals
Wildwood prides itself on being the biggest beach Ultimate tournament in America, and rightfully so. You’ll be surrounded by other Ultimate players at the beach and in town (they are the drunk ones with pinnie burns). But other people actually go to Wildwood as well, and they stay up late on rooftops as well, so you need to be able to navigate avoid them. The locals do not care about your sweet garb or summer jams, and short of asking you to punch them in the face for their YouTube channel, they just want you to Get The Fuck Out. So remember where you are staying this weekend; memorize the particulars of your roofdeck/party mansion and you won’t get mugged. Probably. But if the people don’t get you, gird your loins for…

The Food
While the majority of your Wildwood diet will consist of cheap beer and cheaper liquor, you will inevitably need to eat something that marginally resembles food. But fear not! You are near the beach, which means you are near Hot Spot IV, the Holy Grail of bad boardwalk food. Hot Spot IV will serve all of your morning hangover needs and will definitely not make you feel better. In fact, you’ll feel worse, and no, going to Hot Spots I-III would not have been a better choice. I’m not sure they exist. Embrace the Hot Spot IV. Love the Hot Spot IV. Be one with the Hot Spot IV. You’ll need its sustenance, because you sure as shit won’t be sleeping well…

Pictured: Hell
The Sleep
I’ll keep this short: sleeping at Wildwood sucks. Chances are you are crammed in a bedroom with 6-25 other people, so bed space will be at a premium. Bring a sleeping bag or blanket, but those floors don’t look very comfortable, so maybe don’t sleep. Besides, who wants to sleep through…

The Partying
Real talk: the best part about Wildwood is partying with everyone. In the past, the “place-to-be,” as much as there is one in the armpit of America, is the Binn’s Motor Inn. The roofdeck essentially operates sans rules, which means that late night parties are a must, and after the late night parties, late-late night bedroom dance parties are always an option too. The cheap beds are perfect for jumping on, so go ahead and break that bed frame because no idiot is going to spear themselves on that jutting out piece of metal.

*shuffles paper, prepares to move on to next point…*

What? That has happened before? Really? That sounds awful. Why would you want to go to a place where raucous behavior could literally leave you in stitches? This whole weekend sounds rather, um, unpleasant, and not to mention expensive. How can this be worth it?

Pictured: Winning


In truth, describing Wildwood to someone can really only make it sound like a gigantic mess where everyone leaves feeling like beat shit. But it’s a magical weekend that serves as a summer reunion of sorts, and often leaves us with great stories (see: local getting punched for his YouTube channel). And yes, it is probably the most expensive weekend of Ultimate you’ll have for quite some time, but that doesn’t matter in the long-run. So whether you’re a Wildwood veteran or new and fearful of the experience, treat it like a chance to be at the beach with a bunch of wackos you haven’t seen in a while and you’ll be happy you went. Even if you do get a nasty foot wound.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Sectionals


College Sectionals

The spring season was immensely frustrating for the Jive Turkeys, but West Penn Sectionals was our chance to finally play with a full roster and in good weather. Oh, and if we finished in the top-2 for our conference, we’d make Regionals for the four straight year. Oh, and we wanted to go undefeated. Decent stakes, I guess. So decent, in fact, that Jive did not drink on Friday night so we could rest up. Let’s hope that was a good decision.

Saturday
The first day was pool play, and games began at 8AM, so we had to be at the new-and-less-comfortable cushies by 6:25 so we could prepare for round 1 against our rivals the Messiah Mammoths. Of course my car had a delay, as it took Max about half an hour to get his food from Sheetz. This did not give us a lot of time to warm up, but we came out with good energy. Jive and Messiah traded points for the entirety of the first half, and eventually Messiah took half at 8-7. Our offense was working well, and we were converting our deep looks, but our man defense let us down, and we could never got a real lead. That changed in the second half, and we came out strong and marched to 12-9 before Messiah climbed back to make it 12-11. The game got pretty heated at the end, but we put it away at 15-12. We expected this to be a tough game, and it did not disappoint. We were confident, and our defense was much improved in the second half.

Probably got beat deep or something lame
The second game was against Clarion, typically one of our conferences weaker opponents. They were much improved from last year, however, and we traded points early on. Our zone defense, which we have practiced at all of the (few) practices we’ve had was not working, so we switched to man, believing that if we shut down their main cutter/handler-bro, we’d be fine. Sure enough, once we made it more difficult for him to get the disc, Clarion struggled, relying on hammers and low-percentage hucks. Not a problem, and we won comfortably 15-8 (remember this score).

Up third was Bucknell. We have some history with the Mud Sharks (see: Simon’s “you’re too fat to play Ultimate” insult in 2011, our Universe Point game to go to Regionals in 2012, and B-team playing them this year at High Tide), but this was a different team, probably a better team. Apparently they had some YCC player who was supposedly pretty good, but I try not to think about those details. We went up 2-0, and scored at a 2:1 ratio until half-time. I try not to include personal details in these write-ups until the end, but I’m going to note that I had three layout D’s on their “YCC bro.” Welcome to college son. We stormed out of half-time, played really strong man defense and converted our hucks for a 15-8 win. Three down, one to go on Saturday.

Pictured: Beat shit
Last was the UPJ Flood, another team we’ve played many times. They gave us some trouble last year; they threw a bunch of crap and converted all of it. We did not really know how to stop a swill-throwing team. Well, this was a new year, so we forced backhand! Und it worked. The Flood don’t seem to believe in dumping the disc, instead expecting their cutters to jam it up the line (like we used to!) and complete risky passes on route to the end zone. At times it worked, but more often than not we smothered their cutters and got turns. This game was never particularly close, and in some sort of cosmic coincidence we won it 15-8 as well. Four games, four wins. This meant we had one more pool play game on Sunday, against the Funk, and then the championship game. Like Friday, most of Jive stayed sober, preferring to hydrate with Select 55s before Sunday.

Sunday
Day two meant another early wakeup, but thankfully Max did not order more hot food from Sheetz and we had plenty of time to warm up. And what a tremendous warm up it was as we pumped ourselves up with the help of Armin van Buuren, the real AVB, not this AVB. Serious bangers on Intense. We won our first flip of the tournament and opted to pull. Because we suck, we immediately got beat deep. Good start, fellas. The mistake proved anomalous, as we responded and took half at 8-3. From half we rattled off 7 straight points and won 15-3. This was a good game to warm up for the finals, and we got to cycle many of the 22 players we brought with us.

Starfish stretch. 
Aside from us and the Funk (undefeated and utterly defeated respectively), our pool was a mess, and we had to wait to find out what team we were playing. Naturally, it was Messiah. This game meant a lot to us, and to them, as they were defending West Penn conference champs. No matter how ready they thought they were, nobody was more amped up for this game than we were. With the Xplöde blasting Hans Zimmer’s Man of Steel theme and music from The Dark Knight Rises, I can speak for everyone as saying we were fucking stoked. Much like Saturday’s game, both teams traded points to start, and we were tied 3-3. Jive then converted on the next three points, before Messiah called time out, then proceeded to even things at 6-6. We had our deep game working again, but our man defense was inconsistent: sometimes shut down, other times lackadaisical. We did take half, though, at 8-7. The game stayed tight, and a little chippy. It was hard to get a lead of more than two, but we were ahead all half, and eventually worked the score to 14-11. We had Messiah right where we needed them, on their heels and with a lot of work left to do, but we played sloppily, not converting our chances, and they made it close at 14-13. We were upwind the next point, but we had contracted our offense well all weekend, and we worked it up the field with a great 40-yard swing pass from Simon to Kilburn. It almost went to shit when Simon floated a short backhand over my head, but Dane made a tremendous diving catch to salvage the throw. He dished it back to Simon, who shimmied a short backhand to me in the end zone for goal 15.

As you can expect, it went all Pete Tong from there. Jive had taken care of business, going 6-0 and winning the conference for the first time since 2011. This tournament was our chance to make a statement, to prove to the other teams that just because we did not make the rankings or have enough (see: any) results, we were still one of our regions contenders. But the best thing, I think, was just being back on an Ultimate field with this team. The winter was rough, and it seemed a lot of us got cabin fever after a while. I think of this team as a great social community, and hanging out with everyone on campus is terrific, but there was no balance between campus and tournaments. Sectionals came at a perfect time. We got to play well and win the tournament, and I was reminded of why I love tournaments so much. Our camaraderie is terrific, and is built more so on the field than at any house party. Now we get to build on this positive experience in two weeks time at Regionals as one of Ohio-Valley’s top seeded teams. There are three bids to Nationals up for grabs, and the Jive Turkeys are ravenous. Let's goooo!

Select Highlights:
-Skying fools in the Messiah game
-Casper’s phantom D’s against Clarion (PUNZZZZ)
-Lev dropping that flick huck. I’ll forgive you one day
-The Union Dutchmen winning the Frozen Four (not Ultimate, so what)
-Getting D’s caught for points. This happened a lot.
-Sideline music of AVB and Hans Zimmer
-Milstein booting Sunday morning
-Kilburn battling through injuries and scoring deep looks
-JIVE CORGIS!!!!
-Simon’s terrific turns against UPJ: “I’m stuck in defense mode” –Simon
-Joe walking 27 miles at Relay for Life Friday AND THEN throwing points on Saturday. Legend.

-Winning mother fucking Sectionals by going 6-0.