Historical Roundtable




So this is all based on my friend Scott's Facebook question:     

"If you could have dinner with any 5 individuals throughout all of human history, who would they be?" (They have to have actually existed)

After reading some of the other answers, here are my thoughts in typical, overly-drawn-out Nate fashion. There are a lot of great potential candidates for this list who could deliver revelations or astound me but from a selfish viewpoint, above all else I want to enjoy the discussion. Thus, I don't want a bunch of geniuses discussing quantum physics for an hour while I sit there drooling, or a gaggle of philosophers debating whose religion is better. I also realized that I was biased towards more modern persons because I could relate to them better. In the end, I could probably come up with more significant people, but this isn't about significance, it's about people I admire or would be genuinely interested in spending time with.

Assumptions:

- everyone can speak and understand English

- for some reason, these people like me

The Discussion Group (aka The Nerds)



- Leonardo Da Vinci: I can't think of a better pairing of imagination and talent in history. Termed an "artist-engineer," he made discoveries that would take the rest of the world centuries to rediscover or understand, all while creating timeless works of art. Giorgio Vasari said it best: "In the normal course of events many men and women are born with remarkable talents; but occasionally, in a way that transcends nature, a single person is marvellously endowed by Heaven with beauty, grace and talent in such abundance that he leaves other men far behind, all his actions seem inspired and indeed everything he does clearly comes from God rather than from human skill... [Leonardo] displayed infinite grace in everything that he did and...cultivated his genius so brilliantly that all problems he studied he solved with ease."

- Benjamin Franklin: The quintessential American polymath, Franklin was just flat-out an interesting person. Never idle, Franklin churned out practical and groundbreaking inventions and was immensely influential in his time. When he wasn't busy innovating in the U.S. he was busy gettin' busy in France, England, and wherever else he graced with his prescence. The guy was funny and relateable, making him an important voice at the Academics table. (fyi: click on the wikipedia entry for 'polymath': the picture is Leonardo Da Vinci. Boss.)

- Teddy Roosevelt: Not the smartest man to have lived, but he did as much with his life as anyone in history ever has. Despite no scientific background and a sickly youth, he had an immense interest and impact on our understanding of Nature. He won America's heart, wrote incessantly and intelligently on pretty much every subject, explored parts of the world where no history had ever been recorded, went hunting big game while basically blind, and once took a bullet to the chest while giving a speech and finished his oration mostly out of spite. This is a man's man who I'm sure could tell incredible stories for dayyys.

- Niels Bohr: In my opinion the smartest man to ever live (yeah, I hear you Einstein and Rob Ford, I don't care). He almost singlehandedly saved science in the early 20th century, while pioneering nuclear physics and producing mind-blowing discovery after discovery. Seriously, if you don't know about Niels, read about Niels, he was an amazing man. He had a ridiculous (and criminally underrated) amount of influence on what we know about physics and chemistry today, both in the scientific community and in the public sphere. This story about Bohr and a barometer is probably not true, but I'm going to believe that it is. This one is definitely true.

CARL!

- Carl Sagan: I love Carl Sagan, and Cosmos changed my life. What made him great was that he put his immense intellect to use trying to better the planet and spread scientific interest and education instead of holing up in some physics-nerd enclave. His popularization of science reshaped the world's view of our existence and its possibilities. Probably the first name I thought of when I read Scott's question. Fact: The University of Chicago allowed students to title their degrees upon graduation, and Sagan opted for a degree in "nothing." Fact: fought to have a picture of a dick sent into space.

Honorable Mention: Natalie Portman - Harvard graduate, published in multiple scientific journals, skipped The Phantom Menace premiere to take high school exams, and the most attractive thing ever to happen to Earth.

Because I was bored and had actually been thinking about writing something like this for a while, I added a secondary category for a different type of "all-time dream group:" the top five party people. If you were imagining the first quintet as a round table of deep conversation on a long, summer night, imagine this second quintet burning down the local bar at 6 am. 

The Gettin' Wasted Group

- Hunter S. Thompson: Every day this man didn't die was a miracle. He blurred the lines between fact and fiction in his literature almost as much as he did in real life, and he lived like he wrote: brilliantly. Thompson might not have been the friendliest person, but he unapologetically did whatever made him happy, which I respect. I can think of few people who would gaurantee you a better conversation or a wilder experience.

Party Power: Things would get fucking rowdy, and, regretfully, someone would probably get shot.

- Charles Barkley: I have a weakness for professional athletes (thanks, America) and few people entertain me more than Charles Barkley. A great competitor and talent on the court, Barkley is perhaps even better off it as an analyst or commentator. As a basketball fan I could listen to Chuck reminisce about his NBA experiences all day, but he's actually a pretty insightful and outspoken guy on social issues and such topics as race and education. He doesn't give a shit about what people think and will always speak his mind.

Party Power: At 6'5" 250lb, could whip any troublemakers and is also quite a drinker (to quote: "I can drink a case of Coronas"). Again, doesn't give a shit about what people think and will always speak his mind.

- Ernest Hemingway: "Write drunk, edit sober." Pulitzer-winning author, athlete, wartime ambulance driver, survivor of multiple plane crashes, drinker. One of the most badass men ever and a fantastic writer to boot (The Sun Also Rises is incredible), Ernest was an exceptional human being. There's really too much to cover in trying to explain why Hemingway would be in my Historical Drunken Bro's posse. If you're too lazy to read up on him, spend 30 seconds looking at the picture of him posted here. You'll get it. (link)

Party Power: the man was almost perpetually drunk and could womanize and carouse with the best of them. Also, he stole a urinal.

- Jack Nicholson: Peons who haven't seen anything older than Anger Management might not know that Nicholson was a great actor with 3 Oscar wins and happened to be a pretty good-looking dude. The stories of his early years in Hollywood read like a cliche: orgies, drugs, sex with 2,000 women, booze... the usual. When you have to deny that you're a "sex legend," you know you've made it. Nicholson's been a huge influence in the movie-business for decades and is easily one of the top people I'd love to hear tell drunken, insider stories.

Party Power: with no concern for shame, and hilariously aware of it, Jack would dominate the party scene and woo the ladyfolk. Quote: "I only take Viagra when I'm with more than one woman."

- Rob Gronkowski: This is sort of a cop out, but I honestly struggle to think of someone who would entertain me more. After all, this category isn't about historical relevance, it's about having a wild night. If you don't watch/read the news, Gronk is a serious party animal and has the energy and the money to do pretty much whatever he wants. He gets hated on by The Man for drunken, shirtless dancing, posing with semi-naked pornstars, and shirtless, drunken wrestling in nightclubs, but that seems like just a slow week for Gronk. "Yo soy fiesta," bra.

Party Power: Seriously? This is the coolest thing ever.

First Alternate:

- Winston Churchill: I don't know how rowdy Churchill would get, being that he had "responsibilities" as the leader of the UK for 10 years, but the man could certainly drink. He claimed to drink before, after, and during every meal, including breakfast. Churchill overcame a speech impediment through sheer will and in spite of his near-constant inebriation, perhaps inspiring the quote: "Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." All in all a very interesting person.

Party Power: his famous line "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly," pretty much sums up why he would be a blast to have out at a bar or a party. Unlike most people who just think they're funny when they're drunk, apparently Winston actually was.

Honorable Mention:

- Andre the Giant - the most attractive thing ever to hap- whoops - A god among mortals when it came to alcohol. Seriously, read that link if you haven't before. Unreal.

- Natalie Portman - the most attractive thing ever to happen to Earth.